Cecille's Creativity

Everyday, people live their lives according on how they muster the courage to survive. Some busily work hard to attain their dreams, to reach success and succumb to failures and to despair. Others are striving in order to live life with full endurance amidst adversities and afflictions. Few just wait in line for "favorable" or "prosperous" possibility or probability for luck to land. Many still look with outward appearance in spite of the impudence of life's battle field. But what is the point of living while after all life is just transitory?

I remember the times when my mother is battling everyday from a cancer, Myoma, a benign tumor of muscular tissue. Everyday, every hour, every second, every minute counts. Her suffering from pain lasted for months that we could do nothing about it but to accept the undeniable fact that she is gradually lacking strength. It is painful for us seeing her suffer more and even more. It crumbles us in pain. All we could do is to pray and say our prayers. If only I could replace and save my mother from extreme agony of pain, I prefer it to have pass in me. But there is no other way, no other person, except her.

I admit that I come to the point of blaming God, questioning Him. "Why...?, Why...?, Why...?" Those times I was in the state of tremendous anger to Him. I know that those times, I am not ready to face the consequence of letting everything go, letting Mama go. I felt like He never listens me. He never hears me. He never see what our family and my mother have gone through. I hate Him at those times. I know that it is so ridiculous for acting so strange with anger and hate but that is the main feeling that tops my heart and my mind. I don't know what to do. I want to die and kill myself. I'm totally dying from ultimate pain.

There is no other way for denial to give way in my heart and my spirit but to accept the torturing and arduous fact that from that day forth, SHE WILL BE GONE.

I give smile to her. I tell her that everything will be okay. I give her a massage in the hand, holding her tight and sing her songs to at least I could alleviate the feeling of pain out from what she is suffering to. But again and again, over and over again, I know she will be gone.

It is so hard to accept and to know that the one I really love and I truly love will soon die in a moment or a day to. It's hard. I can't describe the feeling of making a consciously artificial show that she will look well and will be okay. The pain is excruciating me. I am the one suffering more and more though I never want to see her I'm in anguish of extreme pain.

Now that my beloved mother is gone, I realize lots of things. New beginning, a new chapter for us our family that is full of happiness and giving-and-taking with each other. We take good care of ourselves and our family as well. There is LIGHT after total darkness. We face life and throdling it with all our strength and vigor that we have learn from our GREAT, LOVING, SUPPORTIVE and HARDWORKING MOTHER that no precious gold or gem nor wealth could ever replace her.

This time, I have known God, my Saviour, our Saviour more and more. I now understand life and face it with brave and good heart. I take with full responsibility of being the ate(eldest sister), kuya(eldest brother), mother and father to my 3 sisters. I promise to them that I will never leave them. It is a PROMISE for a lifetime, even until I die.

Now with much pride and great gratitude, I thank God for giving Teresa Rasonabe Abucay, my beautiful and wondrous Mother to be the MOTHER for us 4 and a husband to my father, Teofilo. She is a woman with great courage and love. No one could ever replace her in our hearts. She will always BE REMEMBERED.

Now that she is in Heaven together with the Lord, we find peace and we are happy to know that she is also with us in good and better times. Missing her is always a feeling here in our hearts but letting her go is the feeling that we accept now and that we are ready to stand in our own and to tell the world that we are the PRODUCT of our GREAT and LOVING MOTHER.

We love you Mama Teresa!

Life is just passing here on Earth. We never know when will our life's story end. It is not our choosing to terminate the breathe of our life, it is HIS. Though it's a hard feeling to loss someone in the family but TIME promises its healing.